Healing from Infidelity

For those healing from infidelity, the pain often feels overwhelming and unforgiveable. Some may choose to end the relationship immediately. Others painstakingly go back and forth between whether or not they can trust their partner again. Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful is a traumatic experience. Research shows that it can produce symptoms similar to that of someone who is suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Partners report intrusive thoughts, feeling on edge, lashing out while also disconnecting, self-esteem issues and more. Whether you want personal support or you’re seeking  guidance for your relationship, counselling is highly beneficial. As an individual, your counsellor will help you work through stages of grief and cope with anxiety. As a couple, your counsellor will assist you to repair hurt and establish boundaries for the future.

What is Infidelity, Anyway?

What classifies as cheating to one person may not classify as cheating to another. It’s important to discuss these boundaries with your partner before a line has been crossed. The most recognised form of infidelity is having physical sexual contact with a person outside of a monogamous relationship. However, there are many other forms considered by some to be classified as cheating. These forms include emotional infidelity, flirting, maintaining a dating profile, following an ex on social media and more. The boundaries around loyalty and commitment may differ again for those in polyamorous relationships.

While there may be no clear definition for infidelity, the meaning lies in its impact: the loss of trust and belief in a partner’s loyalty. When trust in a relationship has been shattered, it takes great effort from both partners to build it back. Your counsellor will create a space for healing while also providing structure and tools to help you along the way.

Relationship Counselling for Infidelity

The following are some key points to help you as you begin the journey of healing your relationship after infidelity.

1. Understanding context is important.

Disclaimer: the person who committed the affair is always responsible for their behaviour. However, it’s important to understand the context of the relationship within which the affair occurred. As the details of the affair slowly make their way out, it is common for more questions to pop up. Understanding the context (i.e., the factors which contributed to the affair) can make the world, and your relationship, feel like less of an unpredictable space. These factors then become the primary targets of healing to build trust and safety again in your relationship. Couples report significant benefit from having a counsellor in the room to guide them through all of the questions that arise.

2. You will build a new relationship.

One of the most common sentiments expressed by couples who are healing from infidelity is a sense of being ‘lost’. It can seem like all of the memories, locations and rituals of your relationship which used to bring warmth, now bring sadness. As you grow in understanding and grieve together, your counsellor will guide you toward the development of a new foundation for your relationship. Clear boundaries will be set regarding acceptable behaviour, communication will be deepened and trust building exercises will be integrated into daily life. While the pain of infidelity may linger and come in waves, your ‘new’ relationship together can grow stronger than it was prior to the affair.

Let us help you

At Blissful Minds, we understand how scary, painful and disorienting it can feel to experience infidelity in your relationship. As you walk into the counselling room, you will feel the emotional weight melting off of your shoulders and into the hands of our experienced, warm counsellors. Whether you have ended the relationship, made the choice to stay together or simply don’t know what to do, we are here to help. Reach out and take the first step toward healing, today.